Want to sound polite and warm in Spanish around older people? The key is choosing the right form of “you,” adding respectful titles, and softening your tone with the right phrases. For a quick refresher on greetings and polite expressions, see basic greetings and phrases.
Golden rule
When in doubt, start with ustedyou formal. If they say “Puedes tutearme” or “Háblame de tú,” you can switch to túyou informal.
The quick answer
- Use ustedyou formal with elders unless you know they prefer túyou informal.
- Add a respectful title: señorMr., señoraMrs., or donSir/doñaMa’am with a first name.
- Make requests softly with the conditional: ¿PodríaCould you…?, quisieraI would like…, sería posibleWould it be possible…? See our guide to the conditional tense.
- Pair with polite phrases: por favorplease, disculpeexcuse me, con permisowith your permission, muchísimas graciasthank you very much.
Usted vs. tú made simple
Before you dive in, if you need a quick review of verb forms and core verbs you’ll use with usted, check out the present tense (regular -ar verbs) and a refresher on ser vs. estar.
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Usted uses third person verbs:
- ¿Cómo está usted?
- ¿Podría ayudarme, por favor?
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Possessives change:
- ¿Es su abrigo? vs ¿Es tu abrigo?
Need a refresher? Review possessive adjectives: mi, tu, su.
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Pronouns often drop, but the verb tells you formality:
- ¿Cómo está, señorsir?
Drag the handle to compare
You meet your neighbor’s elderly grandmother for the first time. How do you greet her?
Respectful titles you can use
- señorMr. + last name: Señor Ramírez
- señoraMrs. + last name: Señora López
- donSir + first name: Don Luis
- doñaMa’am + first name: Doña Marta
To understand when and why formality shifts, see our overview of formal vs informal registers (advanced).
About señorita
Señorita is less common today for adults. If unsure, señora is safer and respectful.
Family terms
In many families, abuelagrandma or abuelograndpa can be used even if not related, especially with children. Use only if the person or context makes it clearly affectionate.
Phrases that sound polite right away
Note how often indirect object pronouns (le, me) appear in polite requests. If you need a refresher, review indirect object pronouns: me, te, le.
- Greetings
- Buenos días. Buenas tardes. Mucho gusto.
- Getting attention
- Disculpe. Con permiso.
- Softening requests
- ¿Podría ayudarme con esto?
- ¿Me haría el favor de sentarse un momento?
- Quisiera hacerle una pregunta.
- Offering help
- ¿Le ayudo con la bolsa?
- Si necesita algo, dígame por favor.
Mini scripts you can copy
txt Buenos días, doña Rosa. ¿Cómo está hoy? ¿Podría decirme dónde queda la farmacia, por favor? Disculpe, señor Pérez. ¿Le molesta si me siento aquí? Muchas gracias por su tiempo. Que tenga un buen día.
Regional notes to keep in mind
- Spain: vosotrosyou plural informal is common for groups you know. ustedesyou plural formal and in Latin America is the formal or general plural.
- Most of Latin America: ustedes is used for any group. Usted is frequent with elders.
- Special terms exist regionally, like sumercéa very formal way to say you in parts of Colombia in some areas. Follow local cues.
Avoid these unless you are sure
Viejo or vieja can sound rude outside of close, affectionate contexts. Anciano may feel clinical in everyday talk. Titles like señor, señora, don and doña are safer.
Body language and tone matter too
- Speak clearly and a bit slower, keep a warm tone.
- Use greetings and farewells. A simple Buenas tardes goes a long way.
- In many places a light handshake is safe. Cheek kisses vary by country and relationship.
If you want more situational expressions for meeting people and interacting politely, explore Socializing and Relationships (A2).
Polite Spanish in writing
Use formal openings and closings in messages or emails to elders you do not know well. For cohesive, formal writing, see Formal connectors for writing (C1).
txt Estimado Señor García: Espero que se encuentre bien. ¿Podría confirmarme la hora de la reunión, por favor? Atentamente, María López
Practice time
Arrange the words to form a correct sentence:
Want more real-life context? Practice short dialogues featuring usted vs. tú in our A1 stories.
Tú or usted in context
- New elder neighbor: use usted
- Your own grandparent who always uses tú with you: likely tú
- Store clerk much older than you in Latin America: often usted
- Doctor or community leader: usted
What to avoid
- Jumping to tú with elders you do not know
- Using first names without a title unless invited
- Commands that sound too direct: “Deme eso” can be harsh. Prefer “¿Me da eso, por favor?” or “¿Podría dármelo, por favor?”
If you want to give instructions politely, learn how to form formal commands (usted/ustedes).
Quick reference cheatsheet
- Use usted + third person verbs: ¿Cómo está? ¿Le ayudo?
- Titles: señor + apellido, señora + apellido, don/doña + nombre
- Softeners: por favor, disculpe, con permiso, quisiera, ¿podría…?
- Plural you: ustedes in Latin America; vosotros informal in Spain and ustedes formal
Which sentence is most respectful to an elder you just met?
Ready to sound respectful in Spanish? Start with usted, add the right title, and soften your requests. With a few set phrases, you will come across as both polite and friendly. For more graded practice in context, explore our full collection of Spanish stories.