Jamie
ok so something a bit embarrassing just happened at work
Vynesl jsi řeč na špatné rozlučce
Jamieho rozlučková řeč byla procítěná, vtipná a úplně špatná – protože ji přednesl na špatné rozlučkové párty. Teď má 20 minut na to, aby všechno napravil, než začne ta pravá rozlučka.
Načítají se překladové nástroje…
Rosa
define "a bit"
Jamie
ok a LOT embarrassing
Rosa
tell me everything immediately
Jamie
so you know Sandra from accounts is leaving today right
Rosa
yeah I got the email about the cake in the kitchen
Jamie
right. so I spent all morning writing a speech for her
Jamie
like a proper speech. jokes, memories, the whole thing
Rosa
aww that's actually sweet. what's the problem?
Jamie
I walked into the kitchen at 12:30 and there were people around the table with a cake so I just... started
Rosa
you just... started the speech?
Jamie
yes. I stood up and said "Sandra, 14 years is a long time and this office will never be the same without you"
Rosa
ok and?
Jamie
it was Derek's birthday. not Sandra's leaving do. Derek from IT. he turned 40.
Rosa
JAMIE
Rosa
no no no 💀
Jamie
it gets worse
Rosa
how does it get WORSE
Jamie
Audio message
Rosa
three minutes jamie. THREE MINUTES
Jamie
and THEN I said "so please raise your cups and say goodbye to Sandra"
Jamie
and Sandra walked in through the door at that exact second carrying a box of donuts
Rosa
she WALKED IN
Jamie
with DONUTS
Rosa
I can't. I literally can't 😭😭
Jamie
she looked at me. I looked at her. Derek was still holding his "Happy 40th" balloon
Jamie
I said "...and those donuts look lovely, Sandra" and walked out
Rosa
"those donuts look lovely" I AM CRYING
Jamie
anyway. Sandra's actual leaving do is at 2pm. in the same kitchen. I still need to give the real speech.
Rosa
ok. how much time do you have
Jamie
45 minutes
Rosa
ok first problem. everyone in that kitchen just heard the whole speech. so you can't use any of the same jokes
Jamie
yes I know
Rosa
second problem. were any of Derek's team going to Sandra's do too?
Jamie
...probably
Rosa
ok so just lean into it. make it the opening. "as some of you already heard this morning..."
Jamie
oh. that's actually not bad
Rosa
and it shows you're confident. like you're in on the joke. nobody respects someone who tries to pretend it didn't happen
Jamie
ok I can do this. what else
Rosa
do you have anything personal about Sandra? something only her close team would know?
Jamie
she once saved the Henderson account by staying until midnight and fixing a spreadsheet with like 4000 errors in it
Jamie
and she always remembers everyone's birthdays. like literally everyone. even the interns
Rosa
perfect. use the birthday one. it's warm and specific and people will nod
Rosa
and maybe say "ironically, she probably would have remembered Derek's birthday better than I did"
Jamie
ROSA. that's genius
Rosa
I know. write it down, stop texting me, go practise
Jamie
ok ok. one more thing. do I apologise to Derek first or after
Rosa
after. and bring him something. a chocolate bar. not a card. a card is too serious
Jamie
a chocolate bar 😂 ok
Jamie spent the next 25 minutes rewriting his speech. At 1:58 pm, he sent one final message.
Jamie
wish me luck
Rosa
you've got this. also that scarf is not appropriate office wear but that's a different problem
Jamie walked into the kitchen at exactly 2:00 pm. About 15 people were gathered around the table. The same table. The same cake tin was still sitting in the corner from Derek's party. Jamie took a breath and started speaking.
He opened with: "As some of you already heard this morning — in the wrong room, for the wrong person — Sandra's leaving is a big deal." The room laughed. He kept going.
Jamie
Audio message
Rosa
SHE HEARD YOU THE WHOLE TIME
Jamie
apparently yes
Rosa
and she walked in with the donuts anyway
Jamie
she walked in with the donuts anyway
Rosa
honestly she sounds like the best person in that office
Jamie
yeah. that's kind of what the speech was about tbh